originally, what are we?

I've been thinking about what I can do. I am sure there are so many people with the same or similar minds. We just don't know what to do.

Under this circumstances, a cynical person gets more cynical, a kind person gets more kind, a weak person gets weaker, a nihilist gets more nihilistic, an egoist gets more egoistic... by all means, our tendency become over-driven.

It sounds as if an information control by the government has begun on the internet.

My wife and two children came back from the west, last weekend. My daughter's 2nd grade year had began last week. Without knowing what to do next, we just couldn't keep them away from where they were originally.

by saying "originally", what kind of being are we originally?

Last few days, some major scale earthquakes have been hitting North East Japan. They call those aftershocks... People are being destroyed by those "aftershock".

Situations about Nuke Plants... there are so many different information in different contexts. What we know is that those Nuke plants are in serious damage, and that is causing more of damages -- we will see.

Quite many people say there is not much to worry... Clinical comments are important in such occasion, but sometimes it seems as if they are trying to act clinically because....


Hiroaki Koide - http://bit.ly/fxItQo - on interview (April 5th 2011).
Well... this is another point of view.

radiated tap water, and smoking nuke plants... march 23, 2011.

i was having lunch with our new colleague, hashizume-san, at a very casual, super big portion japanese-chinese buffet, just near our office. high school baseball championship tournament -- Koshien -- was on the radio. it was a late lunch and when it became 3pm, radio news program started. the announcer was saying that over reference value radiation (210 Bq) was detected at Kanamachi Water Treatment Center where it supplies much of Tokyo's tap water. the announcer continues that we are not recommended to supply the tap water to nursing infant for drinking purpose.

immediately, what came to my mind was my children, then their friends. they are not infants, but if the water isn't good for infant, it cannot be good for those children who are still very young. my children are 7 and 4 (just became 4, 11 days ago). they are not in tokyo now, but i was talking with my wife about bringing them back to tokyo this weekend, if the situation is stable. they are staying at my wife's highshcool classmate's home in Takarazuka, Hyogo -- west. the friends couple and their daughter have been extremely nice to my daughter, son and wife. those people in the area experienced disastrous Kobe earthquake (or Hanshin earthquake) of 16 years ago, and their empathy for affected people of this time are great. also, the friend's couple are both working as speech therapists, that they are so apt about communicating with stressed children. perfect host! we are very lucky and i have no worry. Thank you, S.family!

after lunch, i called my wife to tell the news. the plan became postponed.

i posted two letters, one for the S.family to tell my deep gratitude for what they have been doing for us, and another for my children staying with the family.

i went back to the office after spending some time at a bookstore to research something. then there came other news that Fukushima Daiichi 3rd nuclear reactor is fuming black smoke... oh, no... the 3rd reactor is a pluthermal plant. pulthermal is a japanese-english, http://www.greenaction-japan.org/modules/english0/index.php?id=5. it has a highest risk of causing biggest disaster, compare to other plants which are terrible enough.



i called a good friend, Togano-san, who runs a cool Udon restaurant (japanese traditional noodle shop) with an unusual name, Jazz Keirin. Keirin is Japanese public gambling, bicycle race. he loves jazz and keirin, and of course udon. he's got my artwork on the wall. we sometime do live performances with interesting musicians there at his place. he's now became like a nuclear power plant expert. his son and my daughter went to the same kindergarten.


so good!!
http://www.jazzkeirin.com/


mario-mandala @ jazz keirin

after work, i went to his restaurant. there were three keirin loving regular faces watching some old races on video. i don't gamble, but i quite like watching the races. it is an unique sport, and so complicated.

after they were gone, we started talking over beer. much talk about what's going on now, and more talk about various things related to essences of our life, and also about our children -- his son is a funny man.

Togano-san is 10 years older than i am, and he is a wonderful storyteller. among many other things, he was talking about his trip to Nepal that he went about 20 years ago. he was stuck there about 6 months, because of some domestic political conflict. he knows what it is like to live in limited lifelines and resources.

after some drinks, he locked the place, and we went out eating Okonomiyaki, then we talked about how we want to react to the disaster, again. there is no conclusion, yet.

tomorrow is a closing ceremony day at my daughter's school, and i will have to go to the school to bring back her stuffs, and to talk with her teacher about next annual.

march 22nd 2011

how many days, since the earthquake and tsunami hit us? it has been difficult to concentrate on anything, really -- and we cannot count the days. how many days since i saw off my family at the Tokyo station? i need to look at the calendar. They seem to be having good time in the West.

still, it is shaking, occasionally. we are used to it? never.

nuclear power station -- there will be a lot to argue about it.

where i live is near to central Tokyo, that blackout doesn't happen here, so far. it is quite surprising how well this city functions. but we are very, very privileged. my parents home is about 50 km north of Tokyo, and in their area, there is blackout almost everyday, like three hours or six hours -- but they are safe and things seem to be secured. if you go farther north, it is totally a different story. radiodensity are daily news. even we count radiodensity in Tokyo -- just in case.

in Fukushima and Miyagi, it is a real disaster. not only those places, but prefectures around Fukushima and Miyagi, it is also disastrous. there are so little we can do at this moment, but there are people making great effort to help them out, and we are trying, somehow, to help those people who are making great effort.

it was a three day long weekend. and during the weekend, panic seem to be over and we are trying to go back to the normal operation. there are things we have to maintain. situations like earthquake, radioactive pollution, economy, etc. are still very unpredictable. it will be a real marathon...



i came back home late again tonight, and there was an envelope waiting among other mails. that was from my daughter (7) and my son (4). i love children writing letters! they are in Takarazuka, Hyogo now, at my wife's old classmate's home. i can never thank them enough. my secure feeling is guaranteed now, because the family are taking a very kind care of my wife and children. our repayment to them is lifetime compensation. we are feeling minimal stress because of such supports.

since my wife and children went away, i get call every-night from friends for drinking and gathering. it may sound imprudent, but it is a kind of joy.

my wife experienced a disastrous Kobe earthquake of 16 years ago, and she is so conscious about keeping food and water. she left me so much to eat. it took me four days to finish a big pot of lentil soup... which was good. there are other things to eat that she prepared. we realized again for the importance of dry foods.

we are discussing when we will be restarting our normal days in our small flat in tokyo. things are so uncertain, still, but it is becoming obvious that it will take several years from now for the resurrection. so many of us are facing some kind of shifts.

raising children under such situation is quite stressful.

i'm sleeping with my socks on.

a week passed -- a feeling empty day. 0318

after sending my wife, daughter and son to the west, i am feeling some kind of emptiness in my mind. home is empty, too. my food-loving wife cooked a lot of foods and then they went away, leaving those foods. can i eat them all? there are people suffering in the near north... my wife lived in Kobe when there was an earthquake disaster in 1995, that she's very conscious about keeping life-line under such situation.

i went to the office today to have some work done. basically i am working at home now, with my pc, but there are certain things that i cannot do from home. but it's been very difficult to concentrate on anything, these days...

in the office, i packed some children books for little nieces and a nephew of an editor, they managed to escape from fukusima to tokyo, yesterday. they are now with the editor at her place. i got an email from her that the nephew (5) has been nervous. i was pleased to hear that he calmed down colouring my colouring book, and stopped bedwetting. people need to be relaxed, especially those children do. so i included a new copy of my colouring book in the package. -- courier service didn't come to our office today, so i brought it to a store to sent it, but the store staff said that courier service is not collecting those now. so i brought the box back to my home on train, and had finally sent it out. i was glad that the train wasn't so packed today.

when i was heating pots and jars of my wife's left cooking, in order not to make them rotten, i got a call from Tetsuya Akikawa, as known as Dorian Sukekawa, who is a novelist and a poet and a crown with such respectable attitude -- i like what he writes and says. he's a writer always trying to help people out of their individual problems -- and his stories are also helping and kind. not many authors write ordinary people's dramas like he does.

Johnson The Crow -- 烏のジョンソン
http://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/4062138298/

A Town Where Stars Fall -- 星の降る町
http://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/4840124922/

Why Mexicans Never Get Bold, And They Don't Kill Themselves -- メキシコ人はなぜハゲないし、死なないのか
http://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/4167717816/

HANADAI -- 花鯛
http://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/4163271406/

etc...


he asked me to come out for drinking at a nice little casual bistro in his neighborhood, where is not far away from my place. i finished some emails i was writing, and stopped cooking after the pots and jars are well heated. then i left my flat.

drinking people started to gather, as we drunk and talk about various topics -- mainly about what's going on now, and about nuclear power plants. after some bottles got empty, akikawa-san brought his acoustic guitar from his studio and there was live music. we called shimo, my boss at work, who also live quite near, and he joined us, later.

i woke up at the bar counter of the bistro -- really good dishes! -- it was 2am. i was feeling very, very tired, at the same time very relieved, since i sent my family away last night. people were getting ready to leave.

towns and streets are little darker now. maybe it was way to blight before. nights came back to us. we are feeling next phase is to come. the shift is on going now.

my wife is now at her friend's home with children. she sent me some messages, that her friend's family are being very, very kind with great hospitality. it's quite moving to hear how they are treated there. they experienced the serious disaster of 16 years ago. such experiences make people to be able to imaginative, thoughtful and sympathetic. i'm so pleased to hear that children are happy now, but it just a first day.

my wife came to Tokyo from Kobe, after the Kobe earthquake disaster 16 years ago. and now she's back west with her children because of this disaster in the east... life is really unpredictable!!

about natural disasters, i don't have much to say. it comes when it comes. but the things about nuclear plants do not belong to that category. there are so much we have to think again about our lifestyles in general, before blaming on the operations.

feeling continuing little (?) earthquake shaking time after time...

so many kind emails from overseas!! thank you so much!!

sending my children and wife away from tokyo. 0317

today, i sent my children and wife to the west, where my wife grew up and still have some good friends. for my son, 3 year old, it was just a unexpected journey, but for my daughter, who is 7 now, she seemed to have thought about many, many things, because of this so sudden trip. feeling sorry about my wife who has to take care of the troublesome young children just by her self, staying among her old friends -- i hope good care will be taken. when we had to depart at tokyo train station, where took about one hour from home because of some unusual jam at shinjuku station, we were facing each others over a train window. we realized that departing is a sad event -- perhaps, it had been so happy that we didn't need to imagine this. anyways, it was a good lesson to the children that things will be apart in some unexpected way. it was actually a good brushup to myself.

my wife, who is still a fledgling food writer, had been a little crazy since the earthquake hit us on 311. i kept seeing her cooking something all the time. i learned something about preservative foods by watching what she does, and i actually got a bit fat since 311 because she fed us a bit too much. everything she does was about food. i really felt happy that i saw she is doing things she is really passionate about -- food, cooking, writing, and eating. her decision about quitting work to cook and write was absolutely a right thing.

this afternoon, when i went to my daughter's school to pick her up for the journey, it was an unexpected thing for her. she has good friends at the after-school-care-program, and it was a usual day for her to join her friends at the program after schooling. she heard me telling to the teachers that she will be away for awhile with her mom and brother. she asked me nothing -- well, only one question "why is this trip". i tried to tell her why, but it was difficult to explain. it wasn't really about the continuous earthquake, but it was because of the possible nuclear disaster. how i can explain such things to a little child? i have too little knowledge about it -- and i didn't want to make her feeling too scared.

medias, especially tv, they are spreading some very unwelcoming pictures and arguments about what's going on. they make their business based on sponsorships that it is important for them to prove audience ratings. they have too little imagination about people watching tv -- there are people seriously watching news at evacuation centers, and there are people watching the news thinking of their families and friends still living and dieing at the areas things are actually happening. i tried never to tern on the tv when my children are at home, because those we see on the screen are just expressing excess shocking stories and visions about what is going on.

before i picked up my daughter at her school, i wrote two letters, one to her, and one to my son, who still don't read. the letters are with little bewitchments -- letters are to function easy and mindful relationship among my daughter, my son, and my wife. the daughter and the son always fight about little problems, which are not even problematic to my perspective. she's good, and he's good -- there is no fight but please take care of each other, and never irritate their mother by causing stupid struggles. she's a good sister and he's a good brother, but they just have conflicts. stop fighting! is what i always have to say to them. they can stop it, because they like each other, basically.

i hope they won't fight and make some bad noise at places they are supported to stay.

they are gone safe, and i am free. that i went drinking at my best friend's cafe. he also runs small bar called rinne. i drunk with him and another friends joined us, he came to tokyo from nagoya, after traveling to osaka, takamatsu and fukuoka. it is such an interesting time being in tokyo. things are shifting, and you can see it.

it got late and i got a message on my mobile that my wife and children arrived at shin-osaka. my wife's old friend came to the station to pick them up. it is great.

it wasn't only me, but some fathers seeing off their kids and wives at the platform. i have things to do here, and they also do.

what is going to happen in east part of japan!?

aftermath, still on going. March 16th 2011

Well, it's an unusual situation in Tokyo, but we are still trying to keep our routine in Tokyo. People are acting with their mindfulness to minimize the damage, tragedy -- this is great.

Above are some photos of my daughter (7) this morning going to school with friends, wearing "disaster hoods", which children are obligated to have this kind of hoods when they enter primary school or kindergarten. We never expect to use those, though!!

People realize the meanings of life in such occasion. It has attachments to normality. Normality is not what daily acts of people we see in Tokyo, London, New York, etc... neither those shocking scenes we see remotely about battlefields nor devastated district. Normality is in our emotion and in our body, which react to all those we encounter by living our usual lives. We must be conscious about it.

It is important to state a strong message against what going very wrong -- and to speak loud of such messages.　At the same time, we need to present some kind of comfort when we say things, because communication is interactive only when both sides of ideas try to compromise to each other. In the middle, there is a normality.

Well, anyways, I am hoping for good future for those children with disaster hoods, and even under more frightening armors of artificial horror and danger -- they are in various places in this world.

I am receiving so many encouraging messages from people all over -- thank you all.

Wanting too much don't do any good -- it is what I always thought. I hope people stop playing silly games.

---- Natural disasters, it is irresistible. but still we can do something to live with this nature, and we cannot live without this nature, as we are part of it.



What is energy???